Dispair a knocking?!?!?!

Yesterday was another day of faxing resumes, putting out flyers and trying to stay upbeat about the fact it's been 5 months since I've worked and had any income and realizing drastic changes HAD to begin.

Of course when you have your elderly Mother living with you, you now have another person to think about and consider. It's a horrible thing to think of an 81 year old woman having to live in 'limbo' for a few months until we can get her into a low income apartment again that she can COMFORTABLY afford.

The whole reason she moved in with me was to save money and because when we planned all of this I was EMPLOYED...then all that crashed down around me a couple of months later and now I am in a panic.

Of course for someone like myself, who has an education, has always worked HARD and never been afraid of challenges or doing what it takes...this past 8 or 9 months has been heart wrenching on numerous fronts.

I moved back from the midwest with a promise of long term work, which was a lie, but the move cost me thousands and the attorneys who 'hired' me have no heart, they are attorneys and will steamroll over people as they see necessary.

Then I jumped back into real estate, worked 80 hours a week on leads and possibilities, had 3 escrows, only to have a broker that was less then ethical keep thousands in commissions!

But wait, that's not enough, there is more....but I'm tired of negative people and unethical, mean spirited people, who are in a small position of self-imposed 'power' and whom use this 'power' to conquer and DESTROY.

So now it is October 22nd and I will be homeless in 5 weeks, unless I get work NOW.

I fax 40-50 legal resumes daily within San Diego county, but I now here for every real JOB in my field, there are 600 applicants!!!

I've gone to restaurant after restaurant, but it's very clear that there is AGE discrimination (under 30 and cute works and I've not seen 30 in quite a while now!!!) and race discrimination (reverse discrimination)! When one with 15 years of some of the best experience you can get in F&B cannot get a job and the likes of IHOP or DENNY'S (not that Denny's has ever had issues with hiring and discrimination!!!), one needs to shake their head in disbelief!

My love is alternative therapies, bodywork (am a massage therapist) of humans, equines and canines and sadly this has dropped off due to the crappy economy, but I keep getting out there and meeting people and handing out cards and other information.

So no one can tell me that I'm not doing enough!!!

Stay tuned, right now I need to get some coffee in me!!!! These posts will no doubt get juicier so to speak as when you write from your raw emotions and heart and you face things that seem incomprehensible...well, we will see.

Namaste'

Tman here

Hi! I had another birthday....I'm feeling my age lately, but still enjoy life and Mom is good to all of us.

I worry about her...alot lately. She is such a kind and good human and the past year has dealt her one blow after another and yet she keeps smiling and loving us so much.

She took us to the water today so I could swim and get some stress off my legs and back...

I'll be writing more...need to tell some of my tales in life...

Closing in on devastation in life

Seems that the past 8 months have been a study in not losing one's mind.

Tirawa turned 12 on October 17, 2009 and that is my happiness in life! I am thankful and blessed for each day he is with me and know his days are getting shorter.

Winston and Yogi are thriving and between them on the two horses, I barely maintain my sanity in these incredibly hard and challenging times.

This blog is going to be one written from my heart and Tman will help and do some posts no doubt and maybe the terriers will as well.

But right now I am hurting...to the depth of my very soul and to a point I wonder if life is worth moving through....but I've never quit, never given up...but it becomes harder with each obstacle from mean spirited and vindictive wacked out people thrown at me.

What is next?!?!?!